VALUE YOURSELF

Two college seniors had a week of exams coming up. However, they decided to party instead. So, when they went to the test, they decided to tell the professor that their car had broken down the night before due to a very flat tyre and they needed a bit more time to study.
The professor told them that they could have another day to study. That evening, both of the boys crammed all night until they were sure that they knew just about everything.
Arriving to class the next morning, each boy was told to go to separate classrooms to take the exam. Each shrugged and went to two different parts of the building. As each sat down, they read the first question.
“For 5 points, explain the contents of an atom.”
At this point, they both thought that this was going to be a piece of cake, and answered the question with ease.
Then, the test continued… “For 95 points, tell me which tyre it was.”

me:
love you ...but am not your lover.Icare for you...but am not from your family ....I am ready to share your pain...but am not in your blood relation.I am your.......F R I E N D !!!!!True friend scolds like a DAD....Cares like a MOM....Teases like a SISTER...Irritates like a BROTHER...and finally loves U more than a LOVER... thnx for being one of my best freind miss u so much dear.........................Some times ur existencegives hope to one person,Your smile may be a pearl for someone,Your presence might be thedesire of the 1 who loves U dearly.So value yourself

On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules: “The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students.
Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time.”
He continued, “Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will cost you a fine of $180. Are there any questions?”
At this point, a male student in the crowd inquired: “How much for a season pass?”

गम को करो Delete,ख़ुशी को करो Save,रिश्तों को करो Recharge,दोस्ती को करो Download,दुश्मनी को करो Erase,सच को करो Broadcast,झूठ को करो Switch Off,Tension को करो Not Reachable,प्यार को करो Incoming on,नफरत को करो Outgoing Off,Language करो Control,हंसी को करो Outbox Full,आंसू को करो Inbox Empty,गुस्से को करो Hold,मुस्कान को करो Sent,Help को करो OK,Self को करो Autolock,दिल को करो Vibrate,फिर देखो Life की Ringtone कितनी Polyphonic होजायेगीDOST KA MATLABD = door rahkar bhi jo pass hoO = ouro se jyada khas hoS = sabse pyara jiska ahsas hoT = takdir ko jiski talash

25. In high school, you do homework. In college, you study.
24. No food is allowed in the hall in high school. In college, food must be provided at an event before students will come.
23. In high school, you wear your backpack on one shoulder; in college, on both.
22. In college, the professors can tell you the answer without looking at the teacher’s guide.
21. In college, there are no bells or tardy slips.
20. In high school, you have to live with your parents. In college, you get to live with your friends.
19. In college, you don’t have to wait in a certain lunch line to be cool.
18. Only nerds e-mailed in high school. (Cool kids hadn’t heard of it.)
17. In high school, you’re told what classes to take. In college, you get to choose; that is, as long as the classes don’t conflict and you have the prerequisites and the classes aren’t closed and you’ve paid your tuition.
16. In high school, if you screw up you can usually sweet-talk your way out of it. In college, you’re lucky to ever talk with the professor.
15. In high school, fire drills are planned by the administration; in college, by the drunk frat boys on their way home when the bars close.
14. In college, any test consists of a larger percentage of your grade than your high school final exams ever did.
13. In high school, when the teacher said, “Good morning,” you mumbled back. In college, when the professor says, “Good morning,” you write it down.
12. In high school, freshman guys hit on senior girls. In college, senior guys hit on freshman girls.
11. In college, weekends start on Thursday.
10. In college, it’s much more difficult to figure out the course schedule of the man/woman you have a crush on, in order to figure out where he/she will be walking around campus and at what time to find them there.
9. Once you’ve obtained the information described in #10, it’s much more time-consuming to run between classes to that place where you know he/she will be in order to “just happen to bump into him/her.”
8. In college, there’s no one to tell you not to eat pizza three meals a day.
7. In college, your dad doesn’t pay for dates.
6. In high school, it never took 3 or 4 weeks to get money from Mom and Dad.
5. College men are cuter than high school boys.
4. College women are legal.
3. In college, when you miss a class (or two or three), you don’t need a note from your parents saying you were skip… uh, sick that day.
2. In high school, you can’t go out to lunch because it’s not allowed. In college, you can’t go out to lunch because you can’t afford it.
1. In college, you can blow off studying by writing lists like this.

There is a new virus. The code name is WORK.
If you receive WORK from your colleagues, your boss, via e-mail, or fromanyone else, do not touch it under any circumstances.
This virus wipes out your private life completely

inally, a worthy pyramid scheme! Simply send this e-mail to 9 of your mates…
INSTRUCTIONS
Anaesthetise your wife/girlfriend, put her in a large carton, (don’t forgetsome ventilation holes), and send it to the person who is at the top ofyour list. Soon, your name will be at the top of the list, and you willreceive 823,542 women through the post.


Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, our best wishesFor an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress,non-addictive, gender neutral, celebration of the northern hemispheresummer solstice,

THANK YOU
Thank you to all my friends who sent me such important emails this year!It’s so wonderful that you included me in your quest to inform!
Because of all of you I stopped drinking Coca-Cola after I found outfrom you that it’s good for removing toilet stains and rusting thearse out of 40-gallon drum.

Osama Cave Memo===============
Hi guys. We’ve all been putting in long hours, but we’ve really cometogether as a group, and I love that. Big thanks to Omar for puttingup the poster that says “There is no I in team,” as well as the one thatsays “Hang In There, Baby.” That cat is hilarious.However, while we are fighting a jihad, we can’t forget to take care ofthe cave. And frankly, I have a few concerns.3

The Importance Of “Correct Punctuation”
Dear John:
I want a man who knows what love is all about. You are generous, kind,thoughtful. People who are not like you admit to being useless andinferior. You have ruined me for other men. I yearn for you. I have nofeelings whatsoever when we’re apart. I can be forever happy–will you letme be yours?


Dear ________,
I regret to inform you that you have been eliminated from furthercontention as Mr. Right. As you are probably aware, the competitionwas exceedingly tough and dozens of well-qualified candidates such asyourself also failed to make the final cut. I will, however, keep yourname on file should an opening become available. So that you may findbetter success in your future romantic endeavors, please allow me to offerthe following reason(s) you were disqualified from the competition.Check those that apply…
___Your last name is objectionable. I can’t imagine taking it, hyphenatingit, or subjecting my children to it.___Your first name is objectionable. It’s just not something I can picturemyself yelling out in a fit of passion.___The fact that our dining experiences to date has left MY wallet alittle lighter, and YOUR pants a little tighter!___Your inadvertent admission that you “buy condoms by thetruckload”indicates that you may be interested in me for something otherthan mypersonality.___You failed the 20 Question Rule, i.e., I asked you 20 questions aboutyourself before you asked me more than one about myself.___Your constant emailing shows me you have TOO much time onyourhands!___Your legs are skinnier than mine.___You’re too short. Any son that we produced would inevitably be beatenup repeatedly at recess.___You’re too tall. I’m developing a chronic neck condition from tryingtokiss you.___You have a hairy back.___I find your inability to fix my car extraordinarily unappealing.___The fact that your apartment has been condemned reveals aninherentslovenliness that I fear is unbreakable.___The phrase “My Mother” has popped up far too often in conversation.___You still live with your parents.___Although I do enjoy the X-Files, I find your wardrobe of StarTrekuniforms a little disconcerting.___Your frequent references to your ex-girlfriend lead me to suspectthat you are some sort of psychotic stalker.___Your ability to belch the alphabet is not a trait that I amseeking ina long term partner.___Your height is out of proportion to your weight. If you should,however, happen to gain the necessary 17 vertical inches, please resubmityour application.___Somehow I doubt those condoms I found in your overnight bag were reallynecessary for a successful business trip.___I am out of your league, set your sights lower next time.
Sincerely,___________
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