There is a new virus. The code name is WORK.
If you receive WORK from your colleagues, your boss, via e-mail, or fromanyone else, do not touch it under any circumstances.
This virus wipes out your private life completely

inally, a worthy pyramid scheme! Simply send this e-mail to 9 of your mates…
INSTRUCTIONS
Anaesthetise your wife/girlfriend, put her in a large carton, (don’t forgetsome ventilation holes), and send it to the person who is at the top ofyour list. Soon, your name will be at the top of the list, and you willreceive 823,542 women through the post.


Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, our best wishesFor an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress,non-addictive, gender neutral, celebration of the northern hemispheresummer solstice,

THANK YOU
Thank you to all my friends who sent me such important emails this year!It’s so wonderful that you included me in your quest to inform!
Because of all of you I stopped drinking Coca-Cola after I found outfrom you that it’s good for removing toilet stains and rusting thearse out of 40-gallon drum.

Osama Cave Memo===============
Hi guys. We’ve all been putting in long hours, but we’ve really cometogether as a group, and I love that. Big thanks to Omar for puttingup the poster that says “There is no I in team,” as well as the one thatsays “Hang In There, Baby.” That cat is hilarious.However, while we are fighting a jihad, we can’t forget to take care ofthe cave. And frankly, I have a few concerns.3

The Importance Of “Correct Punctuation”
Dear John:
I want a man who knows what love is all about. You are generous, kind,thoughtful. People who are not like you admit to being useless andinferior. You have ruined me for other men. I yearn for you. I have nofeelings whatsoever when we’re apart. I can be forever happy–will you letme be yours?


Dear ________,
I regret to inform you that you have been eliminated from furthercontention as Mr. Right. As you are probably aware, the competitionwas exceedingly tough and dozens of well-qualified candidates such asyourself also failed to make the final cut. I will, however, keep yourname on file should an opening become available. So that you may findbetter success in your future romantic endeavors, please allow me to offerthe following reason(s) you were disqualified from the competition.Check those that apply…
___Your last name is objectionable. I can’t imagine taking it, hyphenatingit, or subjecting my children to it.___Your first name is objectionable. It’s just not something I can picturemyself yelling out in a fit of passion.___The fact that our dining experiences to date has left MY wallet alittle lighter, and YOUR pants a little tighter!___Your inadvertent admission that you “buy condoms by thetruckload”indicates that you may be interested in me for something otherthan mypersonality.___You failed the 20 Question Rule, i.e., I asked you 20 questions aboutyourself before you asked me more than one about myself.___Your constant emailing shows me you have TOO much time onyourhands!___Your legs are skinnier than mine.___You’re too short. Any son that we produced would inevitably be beatenup repeatedly at recess.___You’re too tall. I’m developing a chronic neck condition from tryingtokiss you.___You have a hairy back.___I find your inability to fix my car extraordinarily unappealing.___The fact that your apartment has been condemned reveals aninherentslovenliness that I fear is unbreakable.___The phrase “My Mother” has popped up far too often in conversation.___You still live with your parents.___Although I do enjoy the X-Files, I find your wardrobe of StarTrekuniforms a little disconcerting.___Your frequent references to your ex-girlfriend lead me to suspectthat you are some sort of psychotic stalker.___Your ability to belch the alphabet is not a trait that I amseeking ina long term partner.___Your height is out of proportion to your weight. If you should,however, happen to gain the necessary 17 vertical inches, please resubmityour application.___Somehow I doubt those condoms I found in your overnight bag were reallynecessary for a successful business trip.___I am out of your league, set your sights lower next time.
Sincerely,___________
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